The first step to health?

About a half an hour ago it suddenly felt like I woke up. I looked at myself and realized that I was worse than I have been since I started trying to lose weight almost a year ago. I weigh 275lbs, only ten away from my heaviest ever. I don't know what happened. I just can't stop eating. I think a lot has to do with stress...financial stress and it sucks. It's time I took a good hard look at myself and I finally did. I'm not the girl I want to be, at least not health-wise.

My husband is doing great, he's the athlete that he never knew he was. This makes me wonder if there is an athlete inside of me? I once thought there was, now I'm not so sure. In junior high and high school I was in Track & Field, I didn't like it so when the first opportunity arose I quit. Nothing took it's place. Now I feel like I'm that teenager again searching for the activity that will speak to my soul. This time reading and writing is not enough, I must find something active, not only for myself but for my daughter.

I'm scared. I'm scared of living the way I am, and I'm scared of dying because of how I'm living. Is there a way out? How do I stay motivated? How do I compete with genes and a lifetime of programming. Since I cannot afford to pay someone to report to this will be where I report. If you read this you will get to hear all about the good and bad times I have as I search for my Holy Grail of health...I guess this is the first step so here goes...