About a half an hour ago it suddenly felt like I woke up. I looked at myself and realized that I was worse than I have been since I started trying to lose weight almost a year ago. I weigh 275lbs, only ten away from my heaviest ever. I don't know what happened. I just can't stop eating. I think a lot has to do with stress...financial stress and it sucks. It's time I took a good hard look at myself and I finally did. I'm not the girl I want to be, at least not health-wise.
My husband is doing great, he's the athlete that he never knew he was. This makes me wonder if there is an athlete inside of me? I once thought there was, now I'm not so sure. In junior high and high school I was in Track & Field, I didn't like it so when the first opportunity arose I quit. Nothing took it's place. Now I feel like I'm that teenager again searching for the activity that will speak to my soul. This time reading and writing is not enough, I must find something active, not only for myself but for my daughter.
I'm scared. I'm scared of living the way I am, and I'm scared of dying because of how I'm living. Is there a way out? How do I stay motivated? How do I compete with genes and a lifetime of programming. Since I cannot afford to pay someone to report to this will be where I report. If you read this you will get to hear all about the good and bad times I have as I search for my Holy Grail of health...I guess this is the first step so here goes...
4 comments:
I am a blog stalker! But I have to tell you I know how you feel. I struggle everyday. I have been trying to lose weight but it is one of the hardest struggles I have faced. Even when I am eating healthy and doing what I am "supposed" to nothing seems to change. I fear getting type 2 diabetes and still do not fully understand my insulin resistance how that plays a roll in my weight loss. We face a similar challenge, I look up to you as a beautiful and smart mother and wife! I look forward to future posts!
PS Gwenny was soooo cute on Halloween! I am such an internet stalker!
Cindy, I believe that you can do anything that you set your mind to do. I admire your intelligence and authenticity and leadership abilities with people. I follow a few blogs and will be cheering and supporting you along your journey. Blessings.
I KNOW you can do it! I think every person's motivation is different - darn it! I have to admit that I've been 'off the wagon' lately and eating like crap and not exercising since the new kids came! I feel it in my clothes and sluggishness. However, every day I try again and don't give up! I think it comes down to making time for yourself just as important as time with others. You deserve to be healthy and happy and for me my exercise time is the only time I'm alone! :D hee hee!
Cindy! I'm so proud of you for putting it all out there. That should be motivating right there. Most people can relate to this problem. The important thing is to pick yourself back up and keep going. Don't beat yourself up. You can't fix yesterday. Just focus on what you can do today and make small changes. You can do this! I know you can! Let me know if you need any motivation or have any questions.
Post a Comment