Getting motivated

So, saying that you are going to make a healthy change is one thing...actually doing it is completely different! Life was crazy today and so I didn't get anything done as far as motivation and exercise and stuff. I did, however, buy the fixin's for a delicious light ceasar salad (my favorite) and bought some new workout clothes. That was a step in the right direction. My cute husband also said that a friend of ours wants to run in the Running with Angels 5k in May...I had the same goal but hadn't told him. She gets home about the same time I do so this could be a match made in exercise heaven! She has done every 5k with me so far (3) and so this is a perfect transition. I just don't want to let her or myself down.

Last night just before falling asleep I was talking to Clint about my blog and how scared I am. I asked him to be my coach and he accepted. I can't think of anyone better to crack that whip. Now with Tiffany beside me and Clint backing us up I know that the Running with Angels and ultimately the Turkey Tri (November) are attainable. If anyone else out there wants to get in on this crazy idea please let me know. I can use all the support I can get.

So my motivation? Not dying. Seriously.

The first step to health?

About a half an hour ago it suddenly felt like I woke up. I looked at myself and realized that I was worse than I have been since I started trying to lose weight almost a year ago. I weigh 275lbs, only ten away from my heaviest ever. I don't know what happened. I just can't stop eating. I think a lot has to do with stress...financial stress and it sucks. It's time I took a good hard look at myself and I finally did. I'm not the girl I want to be, at least not health-wise.

My husband is doing great, he's the athlete that he never knew he was. This makes me wonder if there is an athlete inside of me? I once thought there was, now I'm not so sure. In junior high and high school I was in Track & Field, I didn't like it so when the first opportunity arose I quit. Nothing took it's place. Now I feel like I'm that teenager again searching for the activity that will speak to my soul. This time reading and writing is not enough, I must find something active, not only for myself but for my daughter.

I'm scared. I'm scared of living the way I am, and I'm scared of dying because of how I'm living. Is there a way out? How do I stay motivated? How do I compete with genes and a lifetime of programming. Since I cannot afford to pay someone to report to this will be where I report. If you read this you will get to hear all about the good and bad times I have as I search for my Holy Grail of health...I guess this is the first step so here goes...